Sauna Etiquette for the Nervous First-Timer

I was terrified of the sauna at the guesthouse in Aurvik. Not the heat. The manners.

Everyone seemed to know the rules, and nobody would say them aloud. Our host, Liv Ravnaas, let me walk in wearing my boots on the first evening before she said anything at all. She corrected me gently, exactly once, and I've never forgotten it.

These are the things she taught me. Every sauna has its own habits, so treat this as a map and not a law.

Before you go in

Shower first. Properly, with soap, and not for show. A sauna is a shared room, and the point is that nobody has to think about anyone else's day.

Bring a towel to sit on. It goes between you and the bench, every time, and it comes out with you when you leave. Sit on your towel, not on the wood.

Leave your phone in the changing room. This one surprised me. I'd assumed the heat would ruin it, and it would, but it's also about the room. A screen lights up faces and breaks the dark. Nobody thanks you for it.

Inside

Be quiet. That's most of it. People talk in a sauna, in low voices and in short sentences, but no one performs. If the room is silent when you come in, let it stay silent.

The top bench is the hottest, and people will move up and down as they like. Don't make a point of staying high to prove something. Liv's rule: sit where you can sit comfortably. Nobody is keeping score, and you're not on the clock.

If you want more steam, ask before you pour water on the stones. A ladle of water changes the room for everybody. Say "may I?" and wait for someone to nod. If you're alone, pour as you please, but a small splash goes a long way.

Stepping out

Go out when you want to go out. There's no required length, and nobody should push you. Liv was firm about this. "If you feel it's too much, leave. No speeches."

Outside, the cold is part of the ritual. Some guests roll in the snow. Some stand with steam coming off their shoulders and look at the stars. I mostly stood very still and let the air do its work. A robe or a dry towel waits by the door. Put it on before you start to shiver.

Drink something, slowly. Water is fine. Tea is better. In Aurvik there was a pot of something dark and slightly smoky on the table in the hall, and nobody explained it, and I never asked.

A short list of don'ts

• Don't wear shoes or boots past the changing-room door

• Don't bring food in

• Don't stare

• Don't leave the door open

• Don't treat it as a contest

What I took away

On my last night, the room was empty and I sat alone for a long time with the stones ticking quietly. I realised I'd stopped worrying about the rules somewhere around the third night. They'd turned into habits. They'd turned into a way of being considerate that I was glad to carry home.

If you're nervous, say so. Most hosts will be pleased to tell you what the house does. And if they correct you, do it the way they say, and thank them. It's only manners, after all, and they're easier to learn in a warm room.